dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I touched a dick in church today
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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