Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
