First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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