I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
