Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
