i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
