she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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