who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
