i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
