i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
