I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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