just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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