Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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