Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
