This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
