So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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