The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
