I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
