i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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