i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
