do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
