My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
