Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
