party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
