Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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