last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
