5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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