Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
