Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
