Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
