i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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