i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
