Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
