How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
