This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
And then my night got REAL pukey
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
