I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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