We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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