I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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