Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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