My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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