I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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