my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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