i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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