Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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