you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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