i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
