dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
