so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
