Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
