i permit you to call me
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
