Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
