Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
