when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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