So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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