Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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